Ben, of course, is my actual name.
So why OldBen?
I come to you, not based on credentials, although I have a few.
Instead, I write as the guy I wish I had met earlier in my own life. Someone who was a little older, but not so old as to have forgotten or lost interest in the things I was dealing with as a young person.
I remember being very confused as to the purpose of some college classes, why dating was such a mess, why I had arguments with my spouse, and why children wouldn’t always listen. And all of these domestic questions also carry over to work place problems. What does it take to maintain healthy friendships, especially when politics and religion get people all charged up?
It would have been nice to have had a heads up and a few tips from someone who had already been there and done that – not always correctly, but who at least would try to speak honestly, because there was nothing in it for him as to what I would decide to do.
I could have used someone who was honest about life’s problems, like pornography, lust, depression, addictions, greed, envy, laziness, workaholism, as well as fear and defeats. I could even have used someone to help me through times of true achievement and success – so that through all of it I came out a better, more stable, more reliable, happier human being — which is what, over more time than I wish to admit, I finally think I have become. More at peace. More content. Better able to manage challenging relationships (all relationships to some extent are challenging — if they don’t seem that way to you, you are in denial).
The way much of this is handled today is to pretend none of it really matters, that whatever path you choose, it will all work out in the end. You know this is nonsense, but often it is easier to go along with it and not make waves. And not becoming controversial is a reasonable objective when the true objective is attempting to understand what is in your own best interest first.
I could have used an adviser that was for me, who wanted my best, but who wasn’t a nag who talked platitudes about things he had no clue about.
I wish someone was able to help me see more options in my thinking so I wasn’t so reactive. And I wish someone would have helped me refine and define what I actually do believe are most important, the things I want at the center of my life.
It is possible you are older than I am, and that doesn’t disqualify you necessarily, but also it may be that you will find inspiration here to start your own coaching or encouragement for those around you – and not necessarily as a specific activity. Perhaps I can help you think about ways to incorporate what you have believed for so long, but no longer is even considered a rational option in today’s society.
I’m an old soul. I like reading old books, for example. My favorite music is likely not what you listen to, although you might be surprised. I’m at that age where I can look back and appreciate the journey and also see that there is an end to it that should be considered, as early as young adults can think about it. I’m not talking about financial investment strategies, although that isn’t a bad idea, I’m talking even longer term than that.
Why the Title OldBen