When Humor Wounds

Some character defects reveal themselves in funny ways.

Photo by Marty O’Neill on Unsplash

There is much entertainment in telling a story that puts us in a good light at the expense of someone not in the room.

When a few smiles turn to chuckles turn to outright laughter over the foibles of the storyteller’s crazy loved one, it ends up reinforcing unhealthy behavior.

This is where we get the lie that words never hurt as much as sticks and stones.

Words can profoundly hurt people. They can rob the ones closest to us of self-respect and self-love. After all, there is always some truth behind every funny story, so if someone I love and trust can so glibly tell a joke about me, it must in some way be true. That’s why words can stab the heart and recovery from their wounds might take a lifetime.

What I find so interesting when I hear others do what I have done myself more times in my life than I care to recall, is that it never turns out well.  Making others look small, with the intent to subtly even some old score in our heads always has the opposite effect. It makes us look small, petty, and mean.

Plus, it obviously harms close relationships and turns us into people others would be crazy to trust.

What is the solution?

First, admit the wrong. Apologize to everyone who heard you.

If the one you were laughing about did not hear your story it is probably best to talk through how you might make an apology with a trusted wise adviser first.

I’m not saying avoid telling them, but what is even more important is that the apology not be worse than the joke told at their expense. Often the best apology is to become a different person from now on. Drop the sarcastic humor directed at others. Tell jokes about yourself instead.

In Conclusion

When we are hurt in relationships, when we have been teased and find ourselves powerless to fight back, it can result in the development of a particular type of cynical humor that can be as destructive as a punch in the gut. Let’s not go there.

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So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things.

How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness.

The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell.

For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing.

My brothers, these things ought not to be so.

James 3:5-10 (ESV)