The Deep Sob
And what I think God might say about it.
When I have stepped into a dark place of deep sadness, perhaps from the loss of someone dear or from some failure of my own where I have missed the mark and come up short, eventually (interesting it isn't immediately) a place deep in me will begin sobbing. I can’t stop it or control it. Usually it does not come with words, just a pulsing ache. Fortunately, these miserable moments do not happen often, but when they do, I have come to believe they are profoundly important to the development or deterioration of my faith. I don’t know if this is anything universal in nature. It might be that this is just me and that others have their ways of connecting with God over what they are experiencing when in their dark and sad places.
Why I think this response of mine to deep pain works in my life is because I don’t cry much. This is not necessarily a good or bad thing, however once the immediate pain has dissipated I believe it is important, as soon as I can, to reflect on the matter, perhaps even periodically. Also, as soon as possible I need to talk them through with others. In fact, I believe it is dangerous to my health and happiness to try and keep them hidden. By sharing, many hearts can be healed. (That’s why I’m sharing this with you).
In the quiet following my cry out complaint to God that he do something useful (note how pain easily narrows my vision on just who I am talking to); for the sake of justice, or to lend support, or healing, or comfort, there often begins a deep rising of a true and gentle voice, telling me something I don't expect. For example, after heartbreak, I sometimes sense that my inner child is being lifted by God into his lap. I then sense him telling me that of course illness and death aren’t fair. Of course he understands and is not seeking to punish me and others. Instead, he tells me to wait. Just hold on. Be patient. He is not finished yet. He wants me to trust him. It will all be okay. Then he encourages me to just be still for now. As long as possible, I am called to abide with him.
A voice says, “Cry!” And I said, “What shall I cry?” All flesh is grass, and all its beauty is like the flower of the field. The grass withers, the flower fades when the breath of the LORD blows on it; surely the people are grass. The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God will stand forever. Isaiah 40:6-8
How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I take counsel in my soul
and have sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?Consider and answer me, O Lord my God;
light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death,
lest my enemy say, “I have prevailed over him,”
lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.But I have trusted in your steadfast love;
my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord,
because he has dealt bountifully with me.Psalms 13