The Addict’s Conflict
The life of the addict is an oscillation between high and low.
The life of the addict is an oscillation between high and low. The high is the enjoyment of the affect of whatever it is the addict has attached to. At first it is the best thing in life. And of course secrecy enhances pleasure. So it must be hidden from those who would not approve. This sets up a dilemma. Hide the truth and enjoy the pleasure, or reveal the truth and face the pain.
The answer seems simple in the short run or when in the midst of the high. The problem is the affect doesn’t last and the addict drops into the pit of despond. This might be physical pain as the body attempts to recover and it will also likely include the emotional pain of regret.
At first, the answer seems still obvious - to return to the behavior or substance where joy or peace were last found. Unfortunately, because this high is biochemically induced, it is not reproduced completely, or it takes more to achieve anything close to the initial high.
But as the high is less high, the low is a deeper and longer low. Feelings of shame and worthlessness grow with the realization that the habit is no longer optional. Now it becomes necessary to repeat the destructive behavior to just appear normal, to keep the lie going.
Eventually, hopefully, the addict will realize the problem and seek help. Perhaps this comes after the lie is exposed, when it becomes obvious that others have known for a long time. Secrets rarely remain secrets.
But the problem of addiction is hardly over. In fact for many, a brief recovery, is simply a different addiction pattern. Somewhere along the line many will revert back to earlier behavior and be surprised when this happens. And sadly, this is how many die, having returned to their addiction after having taken many important and difficult steps toward their own freedom. You might say they became sober but never solved the dilemma: What should I do today? Will it be short term pleasure or long term sobriety?
To me, the cycle is a selfish one. It is the individual with the problem trying to decide which direction is best for him or her with the answer always fluctuating based on how they are feeling at the time. If they are feeling physically, mentally and emotionally strong they find it easy to resist temptation. If they just had a fight with a loved one or they have not slept well for awhile, all of a sudden the addiction looks quite attractive.
To break this cycle requires connecting to a higher power (the first three steps in any twelve step program). This shifts the burden off the addict. Now this might seem simple, and conceptually it is. What it is not is painless. It is the God-given courage to begin to live life not for self, but for others, and to accept whatever pain is necessary. This is why a healthy sign of true addiction recovery is a love and desire for others to never become addicts themselves. It is the opposite of hiding one’s weaknesses and pretending to be someone we are not, but instead becoming willing to share and encourage others in the ways we were saved and encouraged. Recovery strengthens as it becomes a lifestyle.
