Solving Our Own Problems
By sitting and listening
It is ingrained in the American Psyche that we are incapable of solving our own problems.
This isn’t true.
What is true is we often go about attempting to solve them in the wrong way.
First we believe it is important to assign fault for every problem we face.
Unless we are attempting to figure out how we, ourselves, could correct mistakes we personally made, this is at best a complete waist of time.
It is common to have this idea that if we can figure out whose actions caused the problem then we will no longer have a problem.
Not true.
Even if the accident will be covered by the other driver’s insurance, we still have a lot of work to do, especially if we were injured. The other driver, no matter how guilty, will not be able to do our physical therapy work, and us sulking about it won’t make anything easier.
You already know this.
The hard part, however, is letting go of the anger and resentment.
So let’s talk about recovery from anger and resentment as perhaps the first in many steps, not just in restoring what was, but in moving past that to something even better.
Now unless you have experienced what I am about to share with you, everything you currently believe about how people recover will step in to counter my words. This is because change is difficult, especially when it requires people to go to new places and possibly meet with a lot of strangers — never mind that we have done things like this throughout our lives every time we moved, or started in a new grade, or school, or church, or signed up for a sport, or took music lessons.
Inertia always at first seems to be the greatest force in our lives.
To begin with, there must be a significant problem.
Anger and resentment are good examples.
Whatever yours is you have to first decide if you are tired of enjoying it’s benefits yet.
That’s right.
Everything we hate, if we continue doing it, we secretly love. It is filling a need.
If you have identified the problem and what is holding you back from fixing it, then you are ready to take the next step — even if the next step is requiring you to commit to a plan.
Now here is where I will part company with most self-help books that want you to spend money for a program where they will lay out the exact steps you will need to follow.
Instead, my advice is for you to go to a meeting where other people who have serious problems of their own will tell you that you can fix your own problems yourself. This is the group you need to spend some time with because they have no time, energy, or interest in solving your problems and they aren’t there to bill you for their expertise.
This is the opposite of seeking expert advice, and that’s why there are no market campaigns to promote it through advertising. It is simply seeking and connecting with other fellow travelers on the bumpy road of human experience.
What all members share is the simple reality that they all have problems and they all need healthy relationships where they can freely share without fear of gossip. They admit to a power greater than themselves that they experience whenever they gather and share their own experiences, strength, and hope. They do not gather to pity or commiserate. They are there to share and listen to others share about what is working in their lives; how they are finding solutions to their own problems. A good clue you are in the right place is there is a lot of laughter (I know, weird, right?).
It goes completely against the idea that every big problem needs to be fixed by a trained expert.
And it works beyond the wildest expectations of all those will to commit to continually coming back weekly for as long as it takes.
We learn to solve our own problems when we are willing to sit and listen to others tell us how they solved theirs; and then we return the favor.
