Real Marriage

Are you the bride or the groom? It isn’t about either of you.

Photo by Samantha Gades on Unsplash

I’ve written about True Love and Pop Love. Now it’s time to apply this to marriage

What marriage is, is up for interpretation, and most are offered, not to help ignorant people grasp the meaning, logic, or importance of this institution, but to justify why it must be redesigned or abolished altogether.

To stimulate my thinking on this important topic I watched a few Bridezilla videos on YouTube. Very depressing. I don’t recommend it. But let’s start with this.

Marriage is mocked. It is unclear how real reality shows actually are, but I do believe the general sentiment that is portrayed in what I watched exists. It just might be an extreme minority (one can naively hope).

One bossy bride stated to the camera that the most important thing about the wedding ceremony is her dress. There was a lot of yelling and screaming as well, and of course, this is by design. It causes people to watch and perhaps performs a public service providing viewers the opportunity to thank God they didn’t marry this one.

On the other hand, none of this has anything to do with what marriage is all about, and this, along with liberalizing various laws helps bury its meaning even deeper. The net result today is that people marry and divorce as easily (at least procedurally) as walking in and out of court room doors. What is not easy is the emotional and spiritual trauma inflicted on people who are ironically attempting to find companionship and longterm contentment.

Now I don’t know how many believe that traditional marriage is archaic and possibly harmful for everyone who commits to its constraints, but I’m pretty sure the number is significant and growing.

And perhaps this is happening because marriage is disrespected.

What do I mean?

We have Veterans Day, Mothers Day, and Fathers Day.

Where is Marriage Day?

The reason, in my opinion, why I am probably the only one who has ever thought of this is because, as a society, we have lost what exactly the purpose for marriage is.

So let’s go there shall we?

And let’s begin by stating what it is not.

Marriage isn’t about sex, or procreation, or exclusivity. Marriage involves all of these, but they are not it’s purpose.

Here’s what I find most interesting about explaining the purpose of marriage, and that is children understand easily and adults  have a harder time.

Marriage is an exclusive commitment between a man and a woman to be best friends forever.

How is this even possible between two very different creatures - men and women? I know we are of the same species, but in someways it is easier to have companionship with pets (although the pets may have a different opinion about the arrangement).

My answer to this is that they are only two legs of a three-legged stool. Without the support of this third leg - which has to connect strongly to the other two legs, you have a very dangerous seat.

So what’s the third leg? God is a good answer, but also the marriage union itself.

But let’s take this three-legged stool analogy one step further. The purpose of the stool is to bare weight. It isn’t to make the legs happy, it is to give them usefulness. This might be in raising a family, supporting other family members, ministering to strangers, supporting one another’s gifts, callings, and even hair-brained ideas.

Of course here the analogy breaks down if God is the third leg because he is more than one-third of the marriage. He is the provider of the love the husband and wife need for themselves and as a gift for each other. He is also the most important companion and guide in this life for the woman, the man, and the marriage. Don’t forget, at some point, someone usually dies before the other, throwing the surviving spouse back into single-hood. The relationship with God is critical and should be nurtured throughout life for this and many other important reasons.

In Conclusion

By my description, a lot of marriages ought to find another label because they are built on very different ideas than the ones I have described here. I like the term Operation Giggles, personally. It’s purpose is just for fun. As long as it feels good and meets the needs of both partners then it continues (until someone loses interest).

If you are not married to your best friend, then what might the two of you do to correct this?

If you think you are in love, but the one you think you are in love with is not your best friend, then hold your horses. You have a problem.

If each of you, whether engaged or married, is not tied into God first and the other second, then the marriage will be dysfunctional. If you don’t know God and your partner does, then it’s time you step up for the sake of your marriage and pursue God directly.

Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?

2 Corinthians 6:14 (ESV)

Strong marriages protect children who then grow up to seek to have strong marriages. A few generations out and society becomes much healthier than it is today.

Photo by Rajiv Perera on Unsplash