Overhearing the Problems of Others
It's not the same as listening.
Hearing or overhearing another person’s problem sets up a reflexive behavior. It often results in mouth movement along with sound production, resulting usually in too much advice being dispensed.
It might be the greatest advice in the whole world or not so much, but it doesn’t matter because its coming too quickly, too reflexively.
When this happens there is a lack of an important deeper understanding known by good listeners (and you in just a moment if you are paying attention).
You see, the problem just heard isn’t the real problem.
Wish it were. That would be nice.
The real problem, being something else, means I certainly don't know what it is. All I know is that you can bet it is deeper than what was shared.
Levels of confidence come with levels of trust, and some people don’t even know what their own problems are because they don’t actually trust or like themselves that much. It’s a big reason why human interactions are so muddy.
People who learn to listen well understand more about all this, and it takes a lot of time working to improve listening skills. More time than we expect at first.
But let's be honest. Listening well is only partly about listening to others. It also involves, and sometimes to a greater extent, the need to listen and attempt to understand what is going on inside ourselves. This determines whether someone is a shallow or deep listener. (Shallow listeners are the same hearers in my book).
And there is a third important skill to add to listening well to others and one's self. This is developing the ability to un-listen to our inner thoughts wanting to interfere while we are suppose to be attentively listening.
The same can be said about learning new things. It would be easy if it didn’t require so much un-learning.
Final Note:
We think the purpose of listening is to have an answer.
If this were true then the smartest most educated are the best listeners (and if you have spent any time with this group, you know this to be false).
It turns out that the real purpose for listening has little to do with listeners, (as long as we stay in the listening lane and not attempt to fix the other). Give those with the problems the space to figure things out and then they get the benefits that come with having solved them themselves.
Galatians 6:2 says "Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." I believe we are called to be a comfort to others. Good listening is a big part of this. We can support and pray for them and sometimes even with them. But then it is important for us to step back to let the person -and the Lord -solve the problem.