My First Meeting
Should your world collapse, remember recovery groups exist for just such times.
Your alcoholic spouse, parent, or child refuses to get help.
Someone you love is killed by a drunk driver.
You are served divorce papers.
Certain family members who were once close have cut you off.
You have no friends and are a stranger in a new place.
You are confused, depressed, and can’t afford counseling.
No one goes to a recovery meeting because they are doing well.
At least I was aware enough to understand that what I had been doing to this point had resulted in me being exactly where I was, entering a meeting of strangers at the encouragement of a friend, with the hope that I might find help or, minimally, that I would determine quickly that this wasn't for me.
I didn't have any idea what any other option might be, but again, this didn't lessen my strong doubts in how much help I might find sitting in a room with a bunch of strangers talking about God-knows-what. But I told myself to be quiet and try to listen as best I could.
What I quickly found attending my first meeting, which was a huge relief frankly, is that there is never a requirement for anyone to talk. Each one does so voluntarily, as they wish to.
And there is no cross-talk. This means that people talk about themselves or the topic at hand and do not address the problems of others in the room directly.
People talk out to all, not to another specific individual. And everyone who speaks is thanked for doing so. That is the extent of the response in the meeting. “Thank you for sharing with us” is the message.
I learned just how valuable it is to have people listen to me without interruptions or disagreements.
And at the same time, I learned how valuable it is to listen to other people's stories and how much valuable information I could learn indirectly that I then felt safe to apply to my own life. No one was telling me what to do, they were telling everyone what was working for them.
When no one in a meeting is there to fix someone else's problems, magic happens. Each one indirectly learns to work on his or her problems and for many of us, one of our biggest problems has been trying to fix other people's problems.
The non-directed aspect of this particular meeting format is a huge distinction between it and other types of programs, whether one-on-one with trained counselors or in group meetings moderated by trained therapists. Also, in meetings where there are newcomers attending, those most recovered focus on helping these new people feel comfortable, because they remember what it was like when they attended their first meetings.
One final thought. Often people wonder if they would be accepted in a meeting like Al-Anon if their problem doesn’t directly involve alcohol or other types of addiction. The only people not welcome are those who eliminate themselves. You would be surprised how deeply and subtly alcohol has affected our society. I have a friend whose qualifier is a grandparent who died when he was seven, and that was over sixty years ago.
We each understand that we do not have the right to exclude anyone else from attending who wishes to be with us and is willing to accept the meeting’s guidelines (which are always read at the beginning of every meeting).
