The Way of Love

True Love is so quiet, we hardly hear her.

Photo by Ken Goulding on Unsplash

I began this reflection on what love is by pointing out that there are many opinions and forces at play attempting to sway us to their side on the matter. In fact, I have tried to show that the popular view of love is the opposite of the one that leads to happier people and healthier relationships.

How can the two views of love be so antithetical?

It is because each side believes love originates from a different place.

The Pop Love view comes from mankind, out of our emotional centers. It involves a yearning for connection based on different human appetites and drives. Because these drives exist it is easy to accept the emotional attractions that come from them as a legitimate form of love. After all, they feel real.

Other than the fact this feel-good love really feels good, there are some serious problems when it is accepted as truth worth building a life upon.

Pop Love isn’t always patient and kind. It doesn’t always have the other’s best interest at heart. And sometimes, it isn’t real at all, only a trick to manipulate someone through emotional cues and triggers. Furthermore, this emotional stimulation has an addictive element that helps sell products and services, along with the even darker side of coercing people (especially vulnerable children) into a phony digital pseudo-reality. I won’t go further down this rabbit hole. You get the idea.

The opposite perspective, so opposed by the Pop side that it is branded by all the cool kids as racist, sexist and the rest, is that God created Love. Because God enters the picture, there comes with it the expected visceral reaction from those who want to do their own thing.

This is understandable.

But, if you have been burned by the casual anything-goes side and are seeking to recover your own mental and emotional health as well as improve and strengthen relationships with others, so they can last, this less popular road is the one to take. What I really love about my recovery group brethren is they don’t get hung up on the God question. They would tell you, if you want to recover you need to start the journey and take it one step at a time.

Begin by just accepting that you are unable to manage your own life. That’s Step 1. Just start there.