Loneliness is Necessary
So is thirst.
And hunger the same thing.
But the problem isn’t the feeling.
The problem is a loss of perspective. Suddenly the feeling is all consuming becoming the problem itself.
It’s like walking along and stepping into a pothole, possibly even a sinkhole.
Somehow over time, and mostly under the radar, the foundation beneath us begins to erode which then suddenly causes the ground under us to collapse.
We were managing life for a season pretty well, holding things together, then all of a sudden, our response to the immediate low level annoyance, is explosive. Hopefully no one gets too hurt, because some hurt is predictable.
There are some predictable immediate responses to stepping into a hole as well.
First is embarrassment, which often is followed by denial - downplaying the event and lying about it. (“Move along people, there’s nothing to see here.”)
The second is to try and link the event to the immediate cause. There’s something wrong with the road I’m walking on. Someone building the road I’m walking on is to blame. In attempting to write the event off too quickly, the deeper more useful insights are not brought to light.
A third response might be to avoid walking as much as possible. It is to withdraw. Withdrawal results in increasing loneliness, thirst and hunger. In spite of this, many choose withdrawing over the fear of exposure.
Hopefully Helpful Hints
I will try not to respond in the three ways above.
I will try not to overreact by overreacting.
May I own my mess and make amends.
May I seek the helpful insight of those who understand. These folks can be found on pews within touching distance and in anonymous recovery groups nearby.
If necessary, I’ll get a physical and talk to professionals.
Side note to enablers like me.
Pulling people out of potholes doesn’t fix the problem. Inside jobs are in the control of the individual, unless they become a danger to themselves or others. This does not mean ignoring or avoiding people with problems, it actually means caring and comforting in the most loving and practical ways possible, by patient listening, words of encouragement when requested, and prayers for wisdom, healing, and endurance.
And if the problems of others are getting you down, reread hopefully helpful hint 4 above.
When we walk ourselves into the troubles we are facing it usually means we will have to walk ourselves back out of them. Be patient. Practice gratitude.
One step at a time.
Hints 3 & 4 are almost fool proof help.