“If You Loved Me . . .”
Is as a statement about how little you love someone else.
It seems so logical that if they loved us, they would or wouldn’t do whatever it is they are or aren’t doing that is driving us crazy.
Why can’t they see this?
And because, for some reason, they are apparently unable to see what is so obvious, it is an act of kindness — is it not? — to point this out. It gives the one who has fallen short the opportunity to make amends and put everything right.
Unfortunately, It never ever works out in any way that is good.
No but’s.
It. Does. Not. Ever. Improve. Relationships.
And it’s whiny to boot.
But let’s play it forward, just for fun.
If the poor sop or soppet attempts to take the advice — to do the loving thing they so blatantly neglected to do — he or she will be given less than no credit.
After all, they had to be coached.
On the other hand, if they put up a resistance and refuse, then they prove, once again, to be the unloving persons we so brilliantly foresaw.
This is called a No-Win.
But there’s more.
It’s bad enough if the statement is actually spoken out loud.
Sadly, it is just as destructive when simply thought — just inviting it to roost between one’s ears can potentially cause unending misery.
Now I know what some right now are thinking, and even if they aren’t, they will be just as soon as I state it. They are thinking, “But it’s true! Why can’t I be honest and speak frankly?!”
I will answer this with an important question.
Would you rather be happy or would you rather be right?
Early on, when we are young and naive, we believe they come together — and they should if we are building bridges or airplanes. No happiness ever in getting the engineering of things wrong.
But if we are having a disagreement with a loved one, the two options, being right or happy, are most often found in opposite directions.
If you must win every argument get used to sleeping on the couch. If, on the other hand, you choose to be happy, then figure out how best to get along and permit others to express their opinions, without giving them any argument in return.
“But it’s the principle of the thing!”
Fine. If the issue is momentous, then fall on your sword, take one for the team, etc., but remember it is not possible or practical to die on every hill.
Compromise and cooperation can be signs of maturity.
So let people love you in the best ways they know how and learn to accept it graciously. And do the best you can in return. There is no perfection in human love.
Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.
Colossians 4:6 (ESV)