If I See It I Must Have It
A comment that stuck with me.
I was in a meeting recently and the conversation turned to dealing with difficult people. At one point one of the participants said that the only reason he can identify the bad behavior in others is because it resonates with his own bent to want to behave badly. “If I see it I must have it.”
His point, in essence, was if we are able and aware enough to see certain behaviors being expressed by others that are annoying to us, it likely means there is something about those actions we resonate with. Perhaps they appear to be getting away with something we never could, like chewing food with our mouth open. Also, their weaknesses might be showing us our strengths are not as strong and pure as we would like to pretend them to be.
I believe it is a near universal desire of the human heart to want to be appreciated by others. Annoying encounters are usually with people who are on their own paths and in their own worlds, kind of like we all are, but their particular worlds grate against ours. This builds resentment because we interpret their behavior as a rejection of our ingrained ideas on how best to live.
This is not to say that there aren’t good and poor ways to live, and we may be on a better path. The problem comes when we forget the better path is better, not because we happen to be on it, but because we were shown it by someone else — usually someone who chose to be patient and kind to us rather than annoyed and critical.
Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take out the speck that is in your eye,’ when you yourself do not see the log that is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take out the speck that is in your brother’s eye.