I Expect
And that’s the problem.
I don’t see as yet a practical way around this expectation business.
When walking, every step I take I expect a good outcome. I expect my foot to contact with the surface under me in a way that keeps me upright. Because I expect this it frees me to think about other things while walking, and it also means that should I slip, trip, or fall, in addition to any physical injury this causes, I will also experience an emotional response that could include feelings of surprise, fear, anger, and, especially should others have seen the whole thing, embarrassment.
This is true as well when it comes to having expectations in relationships. My default expectation is that others will behave rationally, just like me.
It doesn’t take much thought to see the flaw in my logic. Who is to say I’m rational? Where do I get the idea that my thinking, especially when it come to others, makes any sense at all? Is it possible they are being more rational as viewed by some third party disinterested observer than I am? And of course when I am told that this is the case, it will still be hard to accept.
So what to do?
It is a sign of maturity to practice lowering expectations. It is healthy to admit that we do not control all variables. This is different from becoming pessimistic. It is allowing the possibility that the outcome of whatever seems vital to our happiness will be an unpredictable surprise. By allowing there could be a possible unfortunate outcome is to detach my ego from whatever project responsible for consuming so much of my time as of late. A sign of emotional stability is to be able to work hard, give it all I’ve got, and still leave room for practicing a Sabbath’s rest. It also is to be able to find time to enjoy life and others while still being under incredible performance pressures.
And it’s best not to try any of this apart from a healthy set of encouraging friends.
