Hugging My Favorite Resentment

Sometimes my favorite stories are my greatest enemies.

Let’s say I know I was right about something I did or said but the other one or many took it completely wrong.

They weren’t thinking clearly and possibly had it in for me and that’s why they did what they did.

And when they did the heartless deed or said those life-killing words, I was left devastated and humiliated.

Years passed and eventually I regained my footing and pressed on to have a pretty good life — of course, no thanks to what happened a long longtime ago.

Well, actually I do give this event a little credit because I did use it as one of the key motivating memories to fuel my quest to find myself and succeed in life.

I overcame a lot I think and this event of long ago has been one of those defining stories I pull out and share, but not so much with others anymore.

This is because I found some who have grown tired of hearing it.

So now I mostly recount it to myself.

I stage it as a play and see the different actors perform their lines.

Of course I’m the star in the show because it’s about me and from my perspective.

Since then something else has also happened to me.

I have found that even though I have much to be grateful for, I don’t always feel it.

Sometimes I look back with some sadness and regret because overtime I have come to realize that I didn’t know the whole story.

I still don’t and likely never will.

This doesn’t change the events that did occur and that I did experience, but it does go to show that time is often the necessary ingredient necessary to come to a healthier perspective on who I am, who they are, who God is, and what the purpose for living is really all about.

Recovery from past emotional trauma takes time, often a lifetime, but this doesn’t mean it will.

Sometimes people who seek to feel and behave better can find it possible to get a long way down the recovery path quickly — although I do not believe in this life the process will ever be over.

I will always have the occasional sad moment or the knee-jerk selfish resentment crop up.

However, I can learn to stop hugging my favorite resentments and stop feeding off the fuel of unrighteous indignation.

One final thought. Sometimes the one we are most angry with is us.

You see, the particular person doesn’t matter in the end.

What does matter is always my response because this is all I have been given to control.

And my best option is to give all resentments over to God, and to continue to do this as often as it takes for me to let it go.

Serenity follows.