How to Fix the Past

Stop repeating it.

Photo by RoonZ nl on Unsplash

Ever wreck a car?

Ever lose a lot of money because you set it down, forgot you set it down, and walked away?

Ever spoke words in anger you later regretted?

What do all of these have in common?

You can’t recover them. You can’t unwind time.

This leaves us with regrets.

So how do we best live with regrets?

What I find most interesting personally about my past foibles is that often I end up learning the wrong lessons. The simplest answers often don’t cut it.

And how do I know I learned the wrong lesson? Because when I go and act out the lesson I think I was supposed to learn, it backfires which then results in new regrets.

For example, let’s take the angry words bit. I have an argument and I unleash a few well-placed, well-timed, clever-sounding-in-the-moment angry words.

And they hit their mark.

And they put the other in his or her place — which then sets off a cascade of unintended events.

This then leads me to regret my initial actions and …

And what then?

How do I best fix this now past intentional action I now regret?

The simple knee-jerk response is to resolve never to do it again. This is the equivalent of quietly slapping my own wrist. It is a terrible response because it does nothing to resolve the pain I have inflicted on someone else. But that isn’t even the half of why it is so bad. It also does nothing to help me actually grow into a better human being, and there is one important truth about human beings critical to understand. We are always changing, never static, never able to actually just remain in neutral. Doing nothing is actually doing something, and in this instance, a weak lifeless wrist-slapping response only degrades my own character.

So here is the big question.

Whenever we do something we regret, what are the best next steps we need to take?

If you have some suggestions, please share them. I will write more on this subject soon, possibly even tomorrow.

Photo by Morgane Le Breton on Unsplash