How the Honeymoon Ends
This is a repeat but I think the message is critical if marriages are to last and work as they were designed.
I suppose the honeymoon is a grace period. It has to do with newness.
Couples are flying on fumes.
Because everything is so new, it’s exciting. Both, to a good extent, are getting their needs met while loving the other.
Eventually, the sex balloon begins to leak and life, once again, settles into routines, picking up problems and hassles as it goes.
But the honeymoon doesn’t have to end. It just has to change and mature.
First of all, it’s nice to be in the high of romance, but there is a deeper one to enter. This, however, cannot be with your spouse. And let me add to the importance of what I am saying here.
If the two within the marriage covenant fail to enter into this other, actually primary relationship seriously, the vacuum will be filled by someone or something else.
It boils down to this. We all have needs and these needs must be met. If they are not the marriage is in trouble.
The reason is because these needs are too deep. They reach down to the broken places in each of our souls.
Also, it has to do with where love comes from in the first place.
We do not create it.
It isn’t in the other and he or she is not just withholding it from us - or we from them.
We must feel loved and significant from within — from connection to the still point gas pump.
Unless we are connected first and primarily to God then we are running on an empty love tank. We become resentful and forgetful. We begin thinking thoughts like “This marriage was a terrible mistake.”
And probably the dumbest statement ever to come out of the mouth of a human being is the following —
“It is no longer meeting my needs.”
So marriage, to be successful well past the honeymoon, requires two relationship connections - one is primary and the other secondary.
If we do not learn to love and be loved by God first, then the secondary connection will wither on the vine.
It doesn’t necessarily mean the marriage will end, but it will most certainly die.
And what if only one spouse connects with God?
Then there is still a chance for the marriage. Often, however, the other walks away. If this happens, the one still connected to God will recover and can go on to thrive in spite of this devastating loss.
Intimate relationships are about companionship. This requires work and commitment. What I hope you discover as you grow in your connection to God is that words of life begin flowing out of your mouth anointing your beloved’s head and heart with oil.
“I love you,” are likely the three most life-giving words in the universe. Speak and demonstrate their importance daily and, trust me, the marriage will thrive well past the brief honeymoon phase.
Finally, you need strong healthy relationships outside the marriage. I know it’s a romantic thought that it’s the two of you against the world, but balance and health come from community living.
