Have a Great Day!
Unless you have other plans.
“I don’t have to have a bad day just because someone I love is struggling.“
From Courage to Change, February 12.
To me, in one sentence is the description of what has been my greatest obstacle in overcoming my codependent part in past unhealthy relationships. My initial gut response to the above statement is to see it as heartless and cold. How kind is it of me to accept as a good thing that I could have a good day while someone I claim to care about is suffering?
Recovery, within the context of an unhealthy relationship with someone addicted and self-absorbed - regardless which came first, the addiction or the self-absorption - is what is described as “detachment” with the qualifier of “love.”
It’s easy to detach when angry. And it’s easy to stay attached at the hip thinking it’s practicing being loving. Neither is a healthy choice.
What is challenging and yet the path that holds out my best promise for recovery for myself as well as for the one I am blaming for my problems, is to practice, even though imperfectly, focusing on my own recovery. And not just at first, implying that soon I will be able to return to my former behavior of “helping,” once I have mastered better techniques. Instead, I achieve serenity and sanity when I practice loving detachment as a way of life from now on.
When I detach from requiring anyone else to make me happy and instead work on my own gratitude muscle, my perspective is then allowed to shift — followed by my mood , which often lifts to the point that I can now have a good productive day in spite of my circumstances, including how challenging someone else’s day may be going.
Very true
Good stuff!