Doormatamorphosis
Why do we sometimes choose to be doormats?
Perhaps we think we have only two options when stepping into interpersonal conflict.
We can either push back or give in.
We choose to dominate and yell louder or retreat and clam up.
Alpha junkyard dog or human doormat.
Of course, for anyone wishing to enjoy the company of others any length of time, being neither dog nor mat is desirable.
Fortunately there is a third option.
The problem is it requires some quiet planning time first — good reason for building quiet time into the daily grind in order to clear the mind, see what is important, and pray.
From out of this quiet activity, boundaries can be established that will be our non-negotiables.
No fighting over these settled positions.
Violations of any of these specific boundaries, sever the relationship.
So we aren't talking about someone showing up late from work or leaving socks on the floor.
Well this sounds extreme, I imagine some are thinking.
It might be, but it doesn't have to be.
To help you figure things out you need a good friend -- and by a "good" friend, I mean one who is both for you and the other you are having trouble with.
Only a friend like this will not become your cheerleader as you plunge over a cliff.
Let me put this another way.
Don't do any of this by yourself, by solving the problem in your own head.
You need outside counsel to walk with you through this.
You have a choice. You can claim your autonomy and trust your own abilities enough to accept that you can live an outstanding life apart from anyone else's intimidation, no matter the cost.
Seek a way of escape.
Find new friends, new employment.
Give up the possibility of the economic reward in the nebulous future. Come to understand that these kinds of people typically renege.
Admit that there is something easy about staying in the mess you are in, and that is the real reason you do it.
Come clean with yourself at least, that if you wanted to free, you could have many times before now.
Also come to see that the longer you accept the status quo, the harder change will become.
Yes, the unknown looks scary, but you are dealing with a known that is stifling your potential at best and is destructive at worse.
For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?
Matthew 16:26 (ESV)
