Control and Recovery
Learning by sitting with friends.
I was with friends this evening. Some old. Some brand new. All together because each one in some way is seeking recovery.
Whether through drugs, alcohol, or attempting to control others’ lives, each had come to the same conclusion.
Each had found him or herself isolated and alone, with life, joy, and love fading away slowly at first, and then suddenly.
The loss of physical, emotional, and social health had brought each to a similar conclusion — that if they continued on the path they were on they would die.
This was our group’s common bond.
We had come to understand that we were on paths of pain, hardship, and eventually, complete destruction.
And then we woke up, each in his or her own way, enough to see a light or hear a voice advising us to turn around.
Turning away from addictions is difficult. It involves pain. The pain might be physical withdrawal from substances that were at least keeping them able to manage life, even if just barely. Or the pain might be emotional and spiritual as they discovered how wrong they have been and how much they had caused others to suffer.
The more we sober up, the more pain hammers us — at least initially. It is at this miserable place where we discover recovery.
Recovery of the type I am describing is not the same as attempts to improve a currently good life.
It isn’t a decision to shed a few pounds or to budget. It is the decision to walk out of, or away from, a death-spiral.
Self improvement is nice and can be useful. Recovery, however, is about restoring life.
The tools that aid self-improvement are found in self-help books.
The tools that aid in recovery are found in recovery groups and programs.
Self-improvement can be a private project and usually ends when a certain goal or two have been attained.
Recovery really involves the reconstruction of the entire personality. It requires a profound commitment to do whatever it takes. It involves long-term willingness to stay plugged in to God and others. It is about rebirth from above, salvation, and redemption.
Recovery results in losing the illusion of control. It involves admitting a need to connect with others who experientially understand and are willing to walk along side us for the long haul.