Betting the Farm
Holding nothing back.
Why would a gambler do this?
Perhaps because he knows something the others don’t.
Or he’s bluffing.
Either way, everyone will find out soon enough.
It’s the same with addicts trapped in their own lifestyle choices.
Every drink, hit, or compulsive action is a step toward cashing life in.
Living apart from self-control is the loss of what we were intended to become, not just for ourselves but for others.
Now it would seem the answer to addiction is improving self-control, but this has been found to be inadequate against every true addiction.
In fact a reasonable definition of addiction is any compulsive behavior no longer in one’s control; that the drug or behavior is giving the addict some positive stimulation at first which soon turns negative as the pain of withdrawal takes over.
When anyone wakes up and sees their predicament as no longer a problem they have any power to fix, they are standing on the first step of the Alcoholics Anonymous twelve steps to recovery.
Self-controlling our way out is no longer an option.
Step Two is staring into death and seeing someone might actually be there waiting to get our attention. It might be a mirage, in which case we are out of options, except to decide the rate of our own decline, but if, for some reason, possibly not even clear to us, we decide to take this second step — to consider the possibility of a power greater than ourselves, it moves addiction from being an inside secret, to an answer outside ourselves.
Even though the second step is the opening up of the possibility of the existence of God, nothing so far outwardly has really changed. All that has happened is the coming to a conclusion about the predicament, that there must be something bigger than our addictions, if we are ever to become clean again.
In addition, and this is important, it isn’t the problem or responsibility of any other human being. This breaks all forms of manipulation of others in both directions and for every relationship. The addict stops conning friends, loved ones, and society in general, and others stop attempting to cater to or coerce the addict into sobriety.
Two truth steps have now been taken and we come to the first decision with consequences.
Step Three — Betting the Farm.
It’s one thing to agree in your mind that things are not what they once seemed. It is quite another to place yourself, your will and your life, all of it, good and bad, into the center of that gambling table (or altar).
And how does this work exactly in the context of recovery?
You make a decision.
You choose to show up.
You commit, not to any particular group, but to yourself to turn your life permanently and daily to the God of your understanding.
Step Three involves steps to meetings of your choice; steps toward finding a community that knows more than you obviously do at the moment. That’s what makes Step Three a step of faith, not certainty.
Recovery begins as we sit in meetings and listen to the stories of those around us. And if at this point in our journey we have more questions than answers about God, we show up to hear what these others have to share. This turns out to be powerful medicine because these others in some ways are like ourselves, and yet are walking their own paths that show evidence of working. We don’t have to follow or agree with them, only listen, taking what makes sense and leaving the rest.
