Being a Doormat
Why do we choose to be doormats for some people?
Is it a turn-the-other-cheek thing?
Are they physically violent or intimidating beyond our ability to handle?
What is the threat exactly?
Is it the possible loss of a job? Possible loss of an opportunity? Possible loss of a marriage? Possible loss of children? Possible loss of an inheritance?
Perhaps it’s the possible loss of reputation.
Can they lie about us so effectively that they can turn our friends and even strangers against us?
Perhaps we think there are only two options.
We either fight back or we give in.
But there is a third option.
This is to make a plan that will involve creating some boundaries.
These boundaries are your non-negotiables.
Violations of any of these specific boundaries, sever the relationship.
So we aren't talking about someone showing up late from work or leaving socks on the floor.
Well this sounds extreme, I imagine some are thinking. It might be, but it doesn't have to be.
To help you figure things out you need a good friend -- and by a "good" friend, I mean one who is both for you and the other you are having trouble with. Only a friend like this will not become your cheerleader as you plunge over a cliff.
Let me put this another way. Don't do any of this by yourself, by solving the problem in your own head. You need outside counsel to walk with you through this.
You have a choice. You can claim your autonomy and trust your own abilities enough to accept that you can live an outstanding life apart from anyone else's intimidation, no matter the cost.
Seek a way of escape.
Find new friends, new employment.
Give up the possibility of the economic reward in the nebulous future. Come to understand that these kinds of people typically renege.
Admit that there is something easy about staying in the mess you are, and that is the real reason you do it. Come clean with yourself at least, that if you wanted to free yourself, you could have many times before now. Also come to see that the longer you accept the status quo, the hard change will become.
Yes, the unknown looks scary, but you are dealing with a known that is stifling your potential at best and is destructive at worse.
For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?
Matthew 16:26 (ESV)
