I am writing to two distinct groups of readers because I want each to get to know the other better, and as they do this, I hope they discover some new and useful insights about themselves as well.
I will start today on the Recovery side, but this applies to all of us, it’s just that many may not care to admit it just yet.
A brief review of the first four Recovery Steps
I have written about each one of these earlier this year.
Step One begins with admission of powerlessness. If I could have fixed my particular problem, I would have done so by now. Instead, I find myself at the beginning of a recovery journey.
Step Two acknowledges a power greater than myself. If the problem is to be solved it will take a power outside me that is much more powerful than I am. Should I decide that I happen to be the greatest power around and therefore don’t need any help, then I remain in my delusional state indefinitely. The journey has come to an early end.
Step Three is to turn my will and life over to the management of this so far unnamed Higher Power. Now I can hear my faith-based organized religion buddies shouting back that this “Higher Power” has a name. All well and good if you understand this from your experience, but there are many who not only don’t know anything about the one talked regularly about in churches, but they may have been harmed by those who have professed a faith in God. This is especially damaging when it happens to be someone’s parent or parents. They may have lived one way in public and a completely different way at home.
The point is, this step may be easier for some than others. Be grateful if this is not your struggle and prayerful for those who have a lot of challenges to overcome at this step in their journey.
Step Four is about making a “moral inventory” of me. This requires writing down good and bad behaviors and actions. It is fearlessly facing where I was right and wrong. No excuses.
Which brings us now to Step Five
Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
It’s pretty obvious why this step follows one that requires me to make a fearless honest list about myself, my strengths and weakness, and why I believe I act the way I do.
It also makes sense that I have to at least acknowledge the existence of a Power bigger than myself who has at least these three characteristics.
1. A love for me. It doesn’t matter how much power God has, if he doesn’t care about me, of what good is it?
2. The power to free me. He has to be able and willing to step into my life, but he is not my genie. I can’t manipulate him. In fact, I agreed back at Step 3 to follow and serve him.
3. Rules to constrain me. No need for a capricious God. I need the truth about how the world really works and what my role is in it.
A good way to accomplish this step is to read the Step 4 list out loud in the hearing of another human being. It is best if this individual is a neutral party. In other words, this should not be someone who hates me or overly adores me. This is why in recovery programs, getting a sponsor to walk with us is such an important aspect in the whole process.
And finally, I have to speak these words of confession so I am hearing them as well. We change outwardly only after we have made decisions inwardly, and when the problems to overcome are awful enough, we need witnesses to help solidify our decisions. This is what this step is all about. It is bringing into the light what has been hidden in the dark, possibly our whole lives. This is how shame is defeated.
Note, however, this is not about admitting every fault to all loved ones and strangers alike. This may eventually happen, but at this particular point in the journey, there is still a long recovery road ahead.
A note to the witness.
If you are ever invited to listen to someone give a fifth step confession, be honored and quiet. This is not a time for your words of wisdom. In fact, it might be appropriate to listen silently to the confessor and then simply thank him or her for sharing. Give it some time before responding. The purpose of this step is not for the confessor to receive counseling. It’s better purpose is for the confessor to discover that there are indeed safe people in the world who can hear everything we have to say and not condemn us. This also means that you are not there to give comfort either. You are simply a witness before God.
So, what can people of faith learn from this step or process?
Listening by itself is a healing art.
Confessing to others in private and before God is a healing act.
Gossip, being the opposite of what Step 5 is all about, is destructive beyond imagination. It lacks the awareness that God is always present and always listening.
Finding someone who is a little further down the road to help us on our journey is never a bad idea. Who in your life is equivalent to a sponsor in a twelve-step recovery group?