A Sanity Tip
It’s not difficult to understand, but for some it will take learning a new behavior.
Don’t argue with people who aren’t in the room.
It’s nice to have a quiet peaceful day unless you carry arguments and disputes with you like a box of toy soldiers.
That’s how children play isn’t it?
They get out their toys and imagine scenarios.
Both boys and girls do this.
Pretending turns at times into acting out our rehearsed plans.
And this habit doesn’t disappear when we arrive at adulthood.
The problem is it dialogues in our head don’t work out in real life except when delivering speeches.
A better option frankly is to learn how to emotionally rest and recover when we find opportunities to do so.
At least when a difficult interaction returns we are more rested and at peace within ourselves than would have been shadow boxing arguments to exhaustion.
Instead, in quiet places we rehearse conversations and arguments to be deployed when we get the chance.
Now if you are an attorney or salesperson, it is part of your work to prepare arguments and sales pitches. This is fine. What is not helpful is to never turn this activity off.
Now I know in Eastern religious practices seeking a mental state of nothingness is the objective.
Western religious practices are different. They encourage a refocus away from problems and toward the one outside ourselves who can solve problems.
This requires us to stop thinking our own thoughts all the time. Rest allows our ears and our minds to be more open to the sights, sounds, and conversations around us. We learn to be better listeners.
And healthy sleep restructures the brain — often dropping new options and solutions at our feet upon awakening.
To switch from attempting to solve our problems by staying on them beyond the state of exhaustion and, instead, taking breaks both physical and mental will often result in our experiencing false guilt. We can end up scolding ourselves for “giving up or being weak” when the true problem might be we are falsely believing our persistence is all that is necessary.
True, sometimes it’s necessary to push ourselves, but not in every situation. And most longterm important problems require a stamina achieved by taking care of our mental, physical, spiritual, and emotional health in the process.
Finally, if you haven’t noticed by now, practicing arguments with others is a waste of time because they never go as planned. Better to relax, listen, be open, and respond as gently as possible in the moment.