I am writing this the evening before it will post. This is because a new insight hit me while in a meeting at my church.
I’m in a deacon training class. It’s a three-year commitment.
Tonight’s topic was on the role of deacons in grief ministry.
The question was asked by one of the pastors presenting this topic if any of us would have any concerns being called on to visit people following the loss of a loved one.
So what do you think?
Would you feel comfortable visiting someone mourning over the recent loss of someone dear to him or her?
I certainly might not at first. The thought seems unpleasant and uncomfortable.
One hope someone brought up was that we might know the individual already. This makes sense that already having a relationship with someone might make the initial visit a bit more comfortable for both parties.
Fair enough.
But what if no one knows any more about the situation than what has been published as part of the funeral?
Eventually, we came to see that it doesn’t matter if you had a relationship with the individual that preceded the tragedy, that in fact it might be easier if you did not know them ahead of time.
But of course this way of thinking about the situation is focused on our own discomfort having to step into heartbreak from the outside. It isn’t focusing on where the poor soul might be we are called on to visit on behalf of the church.
And then it hit me…
This is about being salt.
Question: What does it require to comfort those who mourn?
Answer: it requires the willingness to share tears.
Salty tears.
Stepping into heartbreak to love a stranger is the essence of what it means to be a follower of Christ.
Nothing flashy.
Actually the opposite.
Very raw.
But don’t take my word for it. Look at these two verses written by Jesus’s brother James.
If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person's religion is worthless.
Religion that is pure and undefiled before God the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.
James 1:26-27 (ESV)
First note that these verses aren’t written to pastors. They are written to all us who take our relationship with God seriously.
We can think we are religious, which is another way of saying our belief in God is important to our lives, but if all we do is talk about it, then our religiosity is worthless.
But here, according to James, is a religion that is “pure and undefiled” - pure, uncontaminated salt.
Two things.
Visit orphans and widows in their affliction.
Don’t play with the world.
Why these two?
The first is an example of moving into grief and loss. Orphans and widows have lost those they loved AND who protected them from complete destitution.
Perhaps this is grief at its worse, so certainly other situations of grief apply as well.
And what is the purpose of the one representing Jesus in this situation supposed to do?
Go back to the preceding verse to see that it has little to do with talking.
It has to do with being present - in the moment - and listening.
Perhaps it will be to weep beside them. And it continues as long as they need it.
And again, because we are representing Jesus to this one in mourning, remaining unstained from the world is a no-brainer.
I think I’m finished.
We’ll see tomorrow, I suppose.